“You’re gonna miss this, you’re gonna want this back, you’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast.” A cliche song to be sure but a good reminder all the same.
Now that my youngest is one and a half, sometimes I look at my kids and think, how is time flying so fast?
The days are often very long and sometimes in the hard moments, I really want things to move much quicker. Case in point: age three temper tantrums. They are rough! My three year old right now gets so mad. I see on his face the urge to destroy everything in his path. Thankfully, I can see he is good at heart. Sometimes he looks at something and I see a choice is made to not knock over that thing because it would be a bad choice. Other times, he knocks it over and then we deal with it.
Both my boys are really good at heart and they just don’t know how to express themselves yet. Their brains are firing a mile a second and they are trying to navigate a lot! I often forget this.
They need so much instruction and demonstration and examples because this world is all new to them. And I often forget this.
Even when I think that they have mastered a specific skill they haven’t yet. Sometimes, I over hear them using language I’ve taught them to navigate a social situation and my heart soars. Then when they don’t do it I wonder why don’t they do it every time? They clearly have done it before. But it’s because it takes practice, practice, and more practice. Their brains are not wired to keep it all straight like adults yet. And I often forget this.
When I’m cuddling in bed with the kids at night, my brain starts thinking of all the things I need to accomplish in the little time I have before I want to crash. They ask me to stay longer and I often say no. But I often forget that they won’t ask me this for much longer. In a few short years, they will probably not want to cuddle anymore and that will make me sad.
Each stage of life brings its challenges. When I was single, I was lonely and wanted to love. When I was dating, I was restless and wanted to marry. When I was newly married, I was behind and wanted to have kids. And now as a young mother, I want to move onto a less dependent age stage.
But here’s the thing, when I look at on all the stages of my life I was not content in I can see a whole host of positives that I experienced. When I was single, I had so much time to invest in others and caring for myself. When I was dating, I had so many fun experiences and everything was new. When I was newly married, we were able to invest in each other in so many ways. And now as I am a young mother I want to see the positives.
I am the world to my children. And this will not stay that way. My words can lift them up and brighten their day. The way I structure my day can nourish them and give them new experiences and learning opportunities. How I treat myself will teach them how to treat themselves. How I speak to them will be what they hear in their heads. How I demonstrate and teach them to navigate their experiences and feelings, will be internalized and repeated. I often forget this.
The massive duty that I have as a mother is rather overwhelming when I think about it. I’m thankful that I have a faith that teaches me that grace is sufficient and that in my weakness, God can fill in for me. I pray I won’t forget this.